You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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