Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
