So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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