booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize