Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize