the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
