I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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