Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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