hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
