My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
