Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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