I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm at about main and main street
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
