I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
