dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
