it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Two words: blizzard sex
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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