i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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