the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Quick, to the slutcave!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
