I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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