I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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