I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
