can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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