I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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