smell my finger.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
where are my eyebrows?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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