I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
