I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
