My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
