My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
