I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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