fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
