So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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