it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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