I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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