i jhust puked up my retainher.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.