One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.