girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
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Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
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why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.