hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
All I want is dick and wine.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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