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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"

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  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  Jake bring pizza.

  (775): View more from Nevada

  JAKE BRING PIZZA.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.

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  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Best not to. Some people need their delusions.

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.

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