Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
