Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
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she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
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It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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