after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
