Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
