i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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