she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Found the puke drawer
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
