so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
