DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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