sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
