I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
