I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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