dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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