I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I could fuck to npr.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
