ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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