I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
