So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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