I will die if light touches me.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
