I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
