The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
