thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you inspire me to be a worse person
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
