He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
