why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
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um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
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DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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