maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
