no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
