well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you traded sex for a burrito?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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