cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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