My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
