She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
