So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I can text with my tongue
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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