Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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