I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
