how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
