I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
