I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
