just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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