I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
