I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
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Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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