Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
