Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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