Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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