And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
