i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
