there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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