I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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