Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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