I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
