After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
