I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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