I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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