it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
