Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
