i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
