Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
