where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
