So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
