Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i believe in u and ur pee
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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