I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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